and I am not...

Shalom..

 I want to ask you my friends and my blog reader... thanks for reading although I dont know what I am typing here. Do you agree if I say ..

"to be a brother or sister he or she must be great and perfect"...

 I dont know why I am saying this.. for my friends who know me...

Do I act like a real brother for you?... 

hmmmm...

sometimes... even evertime I think I am not congruent to be call as a big brother for my friends... yes I am not... How can I called as brother with all I have done?... what I have done for my brother and sister… How I’m not ashame to be called as a brother even in my family… I am not much talk to my brother and sister… membisu seribu bahasa,… to my big brother.. how ?.. I didn’t have a good talk to him.. to my sisters.. what?.. just an important thing .. and after that…. Silent…  to my three young brothers.. why I can’t do more talk with all of you?...  whay ?.. why I can’t talk more easily to all of you… yes maybe there is a time that we talk much… but why not all the time? I did not know how to…

to my friends,,, I do care for you… do as a brother…  and I really mean it.. but.. In deep of my heart… I am ashamed.. of what I am doing… like I just pretending to be a brother…

I am lie to myself… lie to my friends… how can I be you brother even I can be a good brothers for my family members…

How shame I am… you call me brother… you call me bro..  I call you sist… I call you sister… I call you bro.. I call you brother…. Proud to be call as a brother…   But do I qualify to be a brother for you?...

Sometimes means everytime… I can’t help my brother and sister…. How shame I am?...  sometime I did not want to understand them.. what I am?...  I just think of myself… even can’t think about other heart… and feeling.. menyakitkan hati mereka adalah.. hurt their feeling…. What I am?...

How I deserve to be call as brother.. without doing the right thing what a BROTHER must do.. to their sisters and brothers?... How cant I not shame ?..

How cant I deserve to be call as you brother.. and I call you sister if I hurt you feeling.. ?..  I cant keep you safe.. I cant take care of you.. even I call myself as a brother for you… I give you poison…

What I am?

Then I realize …  I am not deserve to be your brother… I am not a good and perfect brother… I am not even qualified to be call as a brother at  all… thanks to call be as your brother…  THANKS…