A day for new way of life..

Shalom everyone..

Although not everyone cant read or want to read my blog.. (^___^) .. not a problem.. just to say about my life..
yesterday we got NUCS gathering.. wow.. perhaps I did not want to go... but my leg..walk by it on.. and I cant stop it.. so ... just go .. walking and walking.. sampai la sa di tmpat slalu gathering. yea jambatan diantara mall ngan library.. yea before I call my friend Evan.. but he cant go cause got meeting that night.
ok.. I walk alone and wonder what to do there.. come with smile I think.. hmm.. what happen?..
got there.. only six people there.. there is sist Ku, sist Joyce, Sist Anas, Sist GAlady, sist Anne and my beloved brother Bullert.. wa.. few of them,, never mind that a love of God..
yea.. say Hi to them,.. and a few minute later, we start our prayer lead by brother Bullert. actually for that night we plan for bible sharing. so the gospel is from:

Matius 7: 7-11 title "hal pengabulan Doa".

sesuai dng pa yg sa rasa.. hmm.. I cant share it here... Just want to brief thing what happen that time... huhuhuna after that Brother Lucky come, followed by President bro Vilerry with bro Sandy..
humm.. brother Bullert start the sharing session.. no.. why cant I know what happen to my brother.. what brother I am?.. why should I did not know?.. hmmm... I am sorry brother.. hope it going better... (sedih oh)
after that sist Anas.. talk bout her life befre.. yea keep the faith sist..
and then come for question bout Lent?... what happen on Lent time?.. so Brother give some explanation. some from bro Lucky.. but he did not ready yet.. so next time.. next gathering probably. I hope.. yea that right bro.. why should we did not do some classes about lent time before we enter Lent session?..  
and next.. Press want to do our NUCS vision.. yea it urgent .. hmm.. its raining.. move to foyer libray..
 la.. I keep quite that night.. hmmm.. I think so.. la.. discuss and discuss,, the is some objection, some suggestion at the end only one sentence. time not want us to keep discuss. that time clock menunjukkan jam 10.15pm.. so for Khaci must get their bus on 10.30pm.. so it must rush ..  closing prayer by bro Lucky pray for Santo Micheal the angel.
yea the way to go back then.. my brother .. huhuhu.. sedih dan terharu,, wa... cant explain what is it.. but it something that heat your soul.. a brotherhood.. hmmm.. cant say anything .. Just want to say.. I LOVE YOU BROTHER !  yea I mean it.. ^________^
yea that quite simple gathering I get that night.. but meaningful.. yea.. thanks for sist Ku. for encourage we to come.. really2 appreciate it sist.. thanks so much..
so I must come for must today.. give it all for God..
God please enlighten our way of life to You..   I give it all to You.. in Your hand. Amen

Blog also try to help me

What to say? in the middle of confuse and depressed this morning. Everything goes wrong.  I feel like to write@type for my blog. Give it all out from my mind, hope everything gone. sambil2 tu chat nga sist Ku with the music from MGradio. Actually for that morning I plan go for jogging and after wake up in the morning. tiba2 malas pla mo jln. banyak yang sa fikir. hmm.. everthing  I write down on live like Im dying.  After writing and publish. tak sangka Sist Ku pun ada blog. so One thing that I search before this are in her blog. the bible verse. so apa lgi, I add that application ( not really application, I dont know what) to my blog. After that.. I refresh my blog. and the first verse come out is this:

Serahkanlah segala kekuatiranmu kepada-Nya, sebab Ia yang memelihara kamu'
(1Petr 5:7) 

How come "It" know I'm in depressed, I'm in confuse with all my life. I share this to Sist Ku.. and she laugh at me.. because my blog know what I want. hmm.. what is it actually?.. is it just by accident or something else?.. I don't know but..  after I read it.. something happen... I feel like got some strength with everything I wrote  before... sedikit terubat.. huhuhuhu....
Before gone to attend class.. I pray to God almighty.. for His guidance for today. ( I forgot morning prayer) today fast again. just eat bread. hmm.. come to class with a smile. yea I feel it. like I'm in peace. maybe.. dont know. Thanks God.
there is something happen today. In the way to IT faculty.( everyday I just walk to class) my neck tie drop, and I simply come back and search it. that time I'm already entered faculty area. la.. I have to back again. but don't know I smile for it. The sun are hot today..  usually when I get in trouble like this.. na di sanala sa akan marah tak tentu pasal.. menyumpah. but today?.. thanks God I control my temper. hmm..
Today my group presentation. Thanks God everything running smoothly. although there is some error in our system.
NA today I escape la. How come I do that? there is nothing (just afraid because we didnt manage to do our work well) hope there is nothing big problem happen. Gone to foyer library. na tulung Chan my classmate look after her bag for a minute. she want to return her borrowed books. so.. while wait she come back. nampak pla dorang c Galady, Anas, John ngan Felecia. kedapatan escape class. So come to say Hi to them la.
gone to Varsity mall. dont know whta actually I want  to to.. just buy some pencil. And walk back. la.. In the middle of way back. I just know that I forgot my file. la back again to mall. in the way back to DPP. It rain la again I smile and take off my umbrella. dei. tak sangka ada pla gerai di DPP perwaja. perwaja event maybe. title JOm PERWAJA so buy Nasi Ayam la. 
Time to go back. In my room on my laptop, pasang DG campus.. and first thing I open is my blog. so what verse I get?.. that it is...

Waktunya telah genap; Kerajaan Allah sudah dekat. Bertobatlah dan percayalah kepada Injil!.
(Matius 1:15)

Don't know what is it. but I think it was a warn. hmmm.. God please help me to be more ready in my life. with You beside me, I feel strong and more comfortable in my daily life. AMEN  

live like Im dying..

When I publish this to my Facebook status.. there is some of my friends thought that was a title or verse of song. Yea .. that true .. there are many song use this quotation in their song.. so no wrong.. But I prefer  the mean of it. Don't know what its exactly but feel like that anyhow. life seems goes wrong that I can't manage it well. seems too much for me. thinking too much. really I already giving up with all this. Live like I am dying already. There was time that I want to end all of this. there was  time that I want its all over, there is a time that is no need for me here anymore, there is time I feel want to lay at coffin pillow. How much I think about it. that crazy but it is true. sitting at the middle of night. actually want to finish up all my work, assignment take home midsem question and everything. But why I'm just sitting ? there is no progress. sitting and sitting with a blank mind. waa!!!!! Use to listen MGradio listen and listen. that night that no problem on my DG campus. open My YM account. Get buzz from Sist Ku , Prada and Bert. hmm.. Sorry Im not in a good mood. still hahahaha,, hehehehe,, or lalalala~ . that not the way is for true. sorry.
I'm really thank full to sist Ku cause of you sharing. its a good example for who need a light in their life. yea God never abandon us. Pity for God, every time I use to blame Him.  I grumble to Him. With all my life seems goes wrong, I protest. God never hear me. I lost so far away. arggh.. So this is Lent time? Its too much for me. I cant handle it.
sometimes I said to You... leave me alone. But God not like that. I know God with me. that night You also with me. Share with me. but I cant pick it all up. I'm sorry God. Most of time I disappointing You. but You never give up. Lord help me to be like You, that not simply give up with all thing I face everyday.  Lets I do it by myself. I don't need you. but? why seems I cant do that every thing I do, every thing that fail to do, every difficulties that I gone through. I really depending on You. Every times  I say I love You. But how much I mean it?. not a little but it too much hurt You. What I have done ? Do I like Jesus our savior dead again on the cross for second times? No. I don't want to that again.
Yea I don't need You? What does a little ant in front of You?. But You see us as Your own son. most valuable creation. But I didn't listen to You. Listen to Your voice.
In the times of difficulties, I blame You. God didn't do His work. Yea how rude I to You.Who did not do their work actually?. God?.. no absolutely not. it all by myself. I did not give it all to God. How I treat God ? do I do the perfect thing? How much did I worship You, how many times that I say thanks with full heart to You? I dont know because I did not do that. Sometimes I thanks to you just like that.
And a little ask from Me God.. Lets teach Me how to love God. I don't know how to love You in a prefer way. Lets do it together God. train Me. All I give to You..

malam..

Thanks God for the rain petang tadi...
suda beberapa lama hujan tidak turun.. rumput-rumput separuh sda yg kering.. kekuningan.. tpi tdi petang hujan turun.. harap-harap dpt lihat semula kehijauan rumput macm dlu..
ingat tntang rumput tntang hujan tntang kering.. ingat pla dngan pa yg sa lalui nowdays..
everything goes wrong to me.. lazy, cepat mngalah, cepat marah, like to hide sumthing, pandai merajuk tidak tntu pasal.. dan bnyak lgi perkara yg nda baik..
lebih lagi.. nowday sa jarang berdoa... this Lent session.. dont know what to say la.. feel far away from God.. kaki berat untuk melangka.. dan kadang kala sa lebih suka berdiam diri.. to be alone.. alone.. and alone..
with friends.... smtimes with a fake smile.. but Im happy with you guys.. handphone.. yea Im sorry for who call me but I didnt answer it.. feel sorry.. YM sumtime I replay.. smetime not.. sorry again.. Im in blank.. mencari sesuatu.. like a grass waiting for water to be green again..
this night chat with sist Ku.. thanks sist for adding me as your friend in YM.. sharing something.. sist with her story at guthrie lake petang tdi.. buduh tu org sist.. masuk pada bebanan diri.. la dont know what do we talk out lgi pas tu..
banyak..
she recomend me to listn on line worship song.. which si radio from Indonesia . yea siok.. sempat lgi saa minta sist supaya request lgu mukjizat itu nyata..
yea sist ada share tentang 15 minutes for silent time.. yea sist I need it.. feel far from God.. in time of Lent.. banyak cobaan yg perl dihadapi.. in time to pray.. saya tidak dapt mnghayati satu pun doa yg sa ucapkan.. dalam doa fikiran sa banyak menerawang kepada perkara lain.. tiada ketenangan dlm jiwa.. tidak dapat menerima kehadiarn Tuhan dlm doa sepenuhnya..
Iman sa semakin goya...smakin sa cuba utk berdiri smakin berat bebann yg sa hadapi..  apakah semua ini..Oh God help me to be strong.. give me Your guidance in my daily life , to be more  strong to face thorn of life..  

every time .. in my life..  I fail... fail to do my job for You..

in the time of failure, I did it by myself.. In time of joy.. I enjoy it by myself.. I always forget about you.... and all bout thing you have done for me.. I forget to thanks You for all that You have done, I forget you when I'm in need.. I did not ask You.. for You blessing.. I do it by my own.. and it hard to me.. sering kali saya membelakangi Mu Tuhan.. Separate You from my daily life.. although I always say I love You Lord.. but how much I did until now Lord?.. I see nothing... Everything  I give is just sadness to You..  

God Give me light and I will see the way to come closer to you..
Amen...

" My Way OF LIFE ": Almost second sunday of LENT

" My Way OF LIFE ": Almost second sunday of LENT

the day of wasting time...

huhuhuhu.. why should.. ?????
yea asgmnt... berlambak..
midsem.. ada lgi tiap minggu..
group project lgi..
pastu .. la bnyak lgi la..
tpi ?.. why Im so lazy ah?
tdi pgi midsem pun.. mna ada ready sngat tu...
nda baca buku pun..
sanyum2 sja masuk dewan..
na sanyum2 la jga lec bgi markah rendah..
la what happend to you Nicholas?..
you are not Nicholas who i know before..
yea maybe he also bit lazy .. but you more than that..
you did not do you work..
what do you want ah?
help me la ..
please..

ama om apa_clarice J.M

Clarice John Matha - Ama on Apa

Osorou ku di Ama /I remember Mum
di maso poingkibit nu / when you carried me
pihid ihidon nu romou moto ku / you wipe my tears
Kumaa dika Apa, au milo do alingan / to you Dad , that will never forget
Kasansaran winayaan nu / All the trouble you have been through
Lasu loh tadau, au nu opurimanan / ignoring the heat of sun
rumikot ralan dumo'on / Across the farm road
koingoritan nu poingompus / Through pain and suffer
momonsoi ralan sunsuyon / making ways
osonong dah koposiyon / to ease our living


Chorus*
Soira songulun, / when alone
koturu romou ku / my tears fall down
kosorou oku dikoyu, / think about both of you
Oi Ama om Apa / dear Mum and Dad
Igitai janji ku, / hold tight my promise
ikoyu no upuson ku / will love both of you
gisom orikot timpu ku poimpasi / till the end of my life


Lasu loh tadau, au nu opurimanan / ignoring the heat of sun
rumikot ralan dumo'on / Across the farm road
koingoritan nu poingompus / Through pain and suffer
momonsoi ralan sunsuyon / making ways
osonong dah koposiyon / to ease our living

Repeat *

oiii ama oiii apa... dear Mum.. dear Dad..

Lagu: Umbut
Lirik: Ramli Ahmad
Penyanyi: Clarice John Matha

how I treat my father?..

I fell shame when my friends say they love and miss their father.. and di sana sa akan menyapuk... love our father,,take care of them,, then at the same time I didnt know some of my friends didnt have already.. I am sorry dear,,, I did not know about it... God bless..
Then me?.. what did  I do for my father? think nothing.. yea some.. hating! him,  No I'm not anak kurang ajar.. but the way he live, the way he do that make me hating him,,,,, but as his son,,, no need to be emotional right... but I can't,,,,
I cant forgive him for everything he do to mum, to his children, and the way he live..,
My mum suffer cause of him.. hampir2 mum sa mo  C.S.. (sorry). Ama siou... .ONE thing that I really hate bout my father.. "MOGINUM" .. klau skit2.. ok...
tpi ni sampai nda sdar diri.... and after that.. buat hal d rumah.. apa lgi.. marah my mum la.. and their child.. sampai perna abang sa meradang...
Dont want to talk about it... dulu2 punya crita,,, walaupun skrang still the same..

for my friends.. who ask me why not drink?.. yea because my family drink.. that simple..  dont want to be like my father.. thanks dad for this lesson... yea maybe.. you cant be like your father walaupun sa minum.. na blum cuba blum tau.. lgipun.. suma adik beradik lelaki sa minum.. kcuali my youngest brother.. so .. knapa nda ada org yg nda perlu minum?.. take care of them..
one day my dad say.. bukan moginum sja ko ble dpt masalh.. dia blang mama sa nda minum pun pandai sakit jga... yea.. sumakit ih tama sbab moginum koruhang dau do adalaan..
hehehe... dont know what suite expression to do.. blang mama sa..

"sonong da tanganak ku nopo nga amu moginum,,, amu da koomit miagal molohing... monginggorit do koruhang.. "

 try to thing bout it.. yea maybe.. but there is some problem also.. not only moginum give us problem..  ok la.. at least can avoid  dari masalh2 yg timbul dari pengaru alkohol.. yea kadang2 rasa jga mo minum tpi... the word jangan is too strong .. so  thanks God.. thanks God.. until now never try it again ..
dont want to lie.. bcouse before this I have minum.. cause of "cuba-cuba" nasib nda addict..
I hope that I cant break this.. like waht my uncle said

"osonong ngi da amu mumbal moginum ih au mantad koilo moginum"

..and sist Anas said..

'Bro. klau nda pandai minum bgus lgi jangan belajar."

.. yea I keep it sist.. but I cant swear that I can hold it until the end.. ckup utk moginum punya crita..
Back to our topic.. hmmm..

Apa siou sabab mimboros migagal diti kumaa dika.. poingkuro gia tanganak nu nga amu nu pokinongohon.. okon ko tanganak po yahai ti apa... okon ko ningkokoton mangan dahai.. okon ko tusin pokionuon dahai... okon ko kohorohoroon ihumon dahai kumaa doid dika... okon ko sumaap yahai dika.. okon ko au yahai oupus dia... sbab iya no tiso iso tapa dahai... om iya no upuson dahai..

onu ih pokionuon dahai, intangai no da yahai hiti id dohuri nu, pokinongoho no boros dahai oi apa... lolobi po di Ama... kosianai no di ama.. ih kasasari monokodung dika mulong piya oinggorit.. tingkad tingkadai po da pogiginum nu oi apa.. koinum piya tokuri nga kada po da padalaai.. intangai kolidasan nu...  tu ika no tapa dahai.. om asanang ginawo dahai kokito dia osonong do poimpasi miampai di ama om yahai ih tanak nu....

Forgive me dad... every time I did smething that I suppose not to do.. sometime make you upset .. sometime make you angry...smetime I did not respect you as my dad...   I am sorry dad  I love you...,
 don't want to regret..

trlampau rajin...

hehehe adei .. that funny today... why did i do.. hehehe dei.. punya la palui(blang c Bert) hehehe... adakah bolehnya sa nda tau masa midsem sa.. my point is.. la.. its to early to come.. hehe ari ni sa sibuk2 mo sdia pgi.. last2 the exam is tomorrow.. punya la..
so, cause da sdia pakai bju formal, n already at library,, hahaha.. na timbul pla rasa mo tulis dkat blog ni.. so I type and post la..
nothing interesting at library.. but sja mo lepak.. sorang2,,, tingkat 5 dkat tingkap.. tu la sa punya parking lot..

yg penting ada wireless and plug.. hehehe mngkli meluat sda tu operator tengok muka sa duduk sni tiap ari.. hehehe cause sni ada CCTV kunn.. nda tau berfungsi atau tidak.. harap la va takan nda kan.. buat susah ja pasang.. eksen kunn.. hehehe

va situasi..now(time sa menaip). ada sorang perempuan meja depan tidur ngan laptop fujitsu colour pink, ada dua org kapel mebelakang sa nga budak perepmuan tu,, in front of that two kapel ada sorang perempuan serius ja dia blajar.. other meja, two men in white but one wear kaca mata.. next two chinese nam and women men in blue wear spectacle and the women in pink+orange.. other side.. dont know la.. sa d sudut jdi nda nmpak la yg lain.. trlindung oleh buku2..
library seem quite.. na before this.. nmpak Evan di bawah.. heading to mall may be... alone with his cute brown bag.. holding hndphone mybe calling someone I guest hehehe
next.. nothing.. yea.. the pink laptop girl.. ada kwan dia datng.. la.. crita pla dorang.. hehhe and staff of library sdang susun buku tu... =)
ya ...
chat ngan Bert, ngan Sist Prada.. sambil2 main pesbuk la.. tu dorang c cow, sada, nnga manuk ada sana.. pandai pla sa jdi ahli kelab dorang.. nda my name is rinukut.. then,, ok ka?.. dei.. pandai2 dorang bgi sa nama tu.. huhuhu :P

la.. post2 ja ni..

shalom..last week we bru ja bis exc0 camp for NUCS.. Did i mention bout my famly hre? Iaitu NUCS family? La. He.he.he ok2 try 2 find it by urslf la kio. Ya bout that camp. He.he actualy im n0t exco. Lalalala~ tpi sja m0 tayang2 muka p ikut2. Utk memulakan crita. On that day. La lupa. Our camp start on thursday 11 feb to 14 feb on sunday. Pada satu hari. La pula. He.he.he first day memang kalut. Coz stil got claz ma.. Ptang lg 2 bru abis. Transportation pun stu. Diluar jangkaan. Ada pla m0 tlis surat. But thanks to my brother.. Everythng solve. Cuma trlambt la. Guna masa yg bnyak. Lalalala~ what i want to share actualy? Dei melalut2 pla ni tau. Na bout ths camp. I sangka just an ordinary camp. So sangkaan sa meleset sma skali. Why? La. I got smthng hre. But i need tme to realze it. La pula. Kunun la tpi bukan tipu. Tpi nda ble crita la sni. He.he.he anyway. Thanks for the food la mkan ja ah. He.he thanks for the sesion, thanks for the game, thanks for the p@w. That the p@w whch yg ble sa hayati.. Krana slama ini sa kurang dpt menghayati semua itu. Thank for sist Anne.. Thanks for fr Jude. Thanks for brother Bullert, brun0 and sist Anas Joyshi..and all the participant. To be with you together is the wondrful lfe that i hve ben through. Huhuhu em0 jga. He.he.he that time is a m0ment to remembr. Experience good thng with you guys. =) GBU all the time..

aloha for 2010

ayo.. na lama uda nda check ni blog.. adei... nda tau pa mo ckap sni... hmm nnti la lau ada masa bru mo post... =)