malam..

Thanks God for the rain petang tadi...
suda beberapa lama hujan tidak turun.. rumput-rumput separuh sda yg kering.. kekuningan.. tpi tdi petang hujan turun.. harap-harap dpt lihat semula kehijauan rumput macm dlu..
ingat tntang rumput tntang hujan tntang kering.. ingat pla dngan pa yg sa lalui nowdays..
everything goes wrong to me.. lazy, cepat mngalah, cepat marah, like to hide sumthing, pandai merajuk tidak tntu pasal.. dan bnyak lgi perkara yg nda baik..
lebih lagi.. nowday sa jarang berdoa... this Lent session.. dont know what to say la.. feel far away from God.. kaki berat untuk melangka.. dan kadang kala sa lebih suka berdiam diri.. to be alone.. alone.. and alone..
with friends.... smtimes with a fake smile.. but Im happy with you guys.. handphone.. yea Im sorry for who call me but I didnt answer it.. feel sorry.. YM sumtime I replay.. smetime not.. sorry again.. Im in blank.. mencari sesuatu.. like a grass waiting for water to be green again..
this night chat with sist Ku.. thanks sist for adding me as your friend in YM.. sharing something.. sist with her story at guthrie lake petang tdi.. buduh tu org sist.. masuk pada bebanan diri.. la dont know what do we talk out lgi pas tu..
banyak..
she recomend me to listn on line worship song.. which si radio from Indonesia . yea siok.. sempat lgi saa minta sist supaya request lgu mukjizat itu nyata..
yea sist ada share tentang 15 minutes for silent time.. yea sist I need it.. feel far from God.. in time of Lent.. banyak cobaan yg perl dihadapi.. in time to pray.. saya tidak dapt mnghayati satu pun doa yg sa ucapkan.. dalam doa fikiran sa banyak menerawang kepada perkara lain.. tiada ketenangan dlm jiwa.. tidak dapat menerima kehadiarn Tuhan dlm doa sepenuhnya..
Iman sa semakin goya...smakin sa cuba utk berdiri smakin berat bebann yg sa hadapi..  apakah semua ini..Oh God help me to be strong.. give me Your guidance in my daily life , to be more  strong to face thorn of life..  

every time .. in my life..  I fail... fail to do my job for You..

in the time of failure, I did it by myself.. In time of joy.. I enjoy it by myself.. I always forget about you.... and all bout thing you have done for me.. I forget to thanks You for all that You have done, I forget you when I'm in need.. I did not ask You.. for You blessing.. I do it by my own.. and it hard to me.. sering kali saya membelakangi Mu Tuhan.. Separate You from my daily life.. although I always say I love You Lord.. but how much I did until now Lord?.. I see nothing... Everything  I give is just sadness to You..  

God Give me light and I will see the way to come closer to you..
Amen...