live like Im dying..

When I publish this to my Facebook status.. there is some of my friends thought that was a title or verse of song. Yea .. that true .. there are many song use this quotation in their song.. so no wrong.. But I prefer  the mean of it. Don't know what its exactly but feel like that anyhow. life seems goes wrong that I can't manage it well. seems too much for me. thinking too much. really I already giving up with all this. Live like I am dying already. There was time that I want to end all of this. there was  time that I want its all over, there is a time that is no need for me here anymore, there is time I feel want to lay at coffin pillow. How much I think about it. that crazy but it is true. sitting at the middle of night. actually want to finish up all my work, assignment take home midsem question and everything. But why I'm just sitting ? there is no progress. sitting and sitting with a blank mind. waa!!!!! Use to listen MGradio listen and listen. that night that no problem on my DG campus. open My YM account. Get buzz from Sist Ku , Prada and Bert. hmm.. Sorry Im not in a good mood. still hahahaha,, hehehehe,, or lalalala~ . that not the way is for true. sorry.
I'm really thank full to sist Ku cause of you sharing. its a good example for who need a light in their life. yea God never abandon us. Pity for God, every time I use to blame Him.  I grumble to Him. With all my life seems goes wrong, I protest. God never hear me. I lost so far away. arggh.. So this is Lent time? Its too much for me. I cant handle it.
sometimes I said to You... leave me alone. But God not like that. I know God with me. that night You also with me. Share with me. but I cant pick it all up. I'm sorry God. Most of time I disappointing You. but You never give up. Lord help me to be like You, that not simply give up with all thing I face everyday.  Lets I do it by myself. I don't need you. but? why seems I cant do that every thing I do, every thing that fail to do, every difficulties that I gone through. I really depending on You. Every times  I say I love You. But how much I mean it?. not a little but it too much hurt You. What I have done ? Do I like Jesus our savior dead again on the cross for second times? No. I don't want to that again.
Yea I don't need You? What does a little ant in front of You?. But You see us as Your own son. most valuable creation. But I didn't listen to You. Listen to Your voice.
In the times of difficulties, I blame You. God didn't do His work. Yea how rude I to You.Who did not do their work actually?. God?.. no absolutely not. it all by myself. I did not give it all to God. How I treat God ? do I do the perfect thing? How much did I worship You, how many times that I say thanks with full heart to You? I dont know because I did not do that. Sometimes I thanks to you just like that.
And a little ask from Me God.. Lets teach Me how to love God. I don't know how to love You in a prefer way. Lets do it together God. train Me. All I give to You..