I don't know what I am...

Shallom..
Hola... yea...
hmmm... weird I don't know what I am actually.. now day... not.. everyday.. yea... something that I know but I don't understand.... I don't understand what I am thinking of.. what do I want ... what should I do.. and anything.. like its already plan and I am force to do it.. what an odd thinking.. hehehe
yea.. sometime like I am not what I am... hmm... some people say I am nice person.. but I don't think so.. I am a bad guy.. then when people say I am a bad guy... and what I think.. who are to say I am a bad guy?...
and now struggle to think.. to understand.. what I am.. who I am..
then nothing.. still can't understand.. sometime I ask myself why did you do that?... and blame myself... with I'm already done.. who I am to judge myself?... who I am to again myself?...
worry.. and disappointed...
then.. I try to listen .. try to understand people... but I keep silent.. I just listen... then.. when a time they ask me.. I have nothing to tell.. because I don't understand myself.. ^^
but I care of.. them.. Even I want to cry with them.. cause I can't cry for myself.. try to understand their felling...so that the way I can understand how life goes on.. and at a same time to understand myself.. just like compare their life with you.. and have you done.. ^^
but there is something that I don't really like.. why should I do this... yea... I like to listen... but there is a time that I can't.. and it will blame you.. even me either... then if someone say I am a good person.. then I will accept it.. but deep in my heart I am lying with myself.. like my heart want to shout "You are lying !!!".. aloud.. and it start crying.. hahaha~ then it blame myself.. you are so selfish.. more.. and more....
anything that I want to is... I want people happy... happy with me.. if they smile... or laugh I will be happy.. but.. sometime ... I make them cry... hurt their felling.. and I can be pretend that nothing happen..  for a days..
without regretting...
then... after a week like that... It will come to be my problem... the time that I will regretting with what I did... and it hurt.. hehehe~ serve you right... yea.. then sometime it will be too late to apologize... it will be too late to explain.. and maybe there is no second chance for you... because is too late.. and that you fault..
hehe... emotional pla ni.. ish.. iya... just want to share what I can.. to share.. because I don't know how to.. and what need..
iya.. sda la... nanti keluar pla air mata.. ^^
God strengthen me with Your blessing.. Amen..

Thank you... =)